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February 14, 2011

Great Sexpectations (Part 3/3)

Filed under: Reconnect with One Another,Reconnect with Oneself,UD:TANTRA,UD:WELLBEING — Tags: , , , , , , , , — urbandeva @ 9:00 am

(Click here to read part 1/3.)

(Click here to read part 2/3.)

Great Sexpectations (Part 3/3)

The following excerpts are taken from Barefoot Doctor’s Handbook for Modern Lovers:

Reminder

Don’t be mechanical. Don’t be clinical. Don’t be intellectual. Don’t be obedient (to the instructions/number of repetitions/sequence of techniques). Don’t be impatient. Don’t be scared. Don’t pretend. Don’t fart in bed.

Do us a condom (when you know you should). Do be intuitive (and use the instructions to fire off your own innate sexual knowledge). Do be flowing and natural. Do be gentle, tender, loving, caring and warm. Do be authentic. Do empty your bladder and bowels discreetly (when necessary) before you start, so you don’t expend valuable energy preventing same.

(Thank you.)

Zygomatic kisses

The zygomatic arch forms a vital part of that part of the skeletal structure that supports your face, without which your cheeks would be in grave danger of sliding off.

You may think that kissing cheeks is just for kids, cocktail parties and aunties; however, it would be wise to open your mind on this one.

Kissing O’s cheek with love and tenderness is one of the most direct ways of transmitting love directly into O’s brain (upper Tan Tien), whence it can flow downwards (in the trickle-down effect) to O’s heart, and radiate to fill O’s entire body/being.

Kiss O’s cheeks for the beauty you see there, for the subtle scent of O’s life story. And don’t stop yourself there. Kiss the lines at the sides of O’s eyes. Lines (wrinkles) tell the story of O’s life. Kiss each of O’s lines as a celebration of that story.

You may even like to let loose and follow your kisses wherever they want to go, until you find yourself kissing O all over.

In any case, do up to eight kisses on each cheek, slowly, so as not to come across like a woodpecker at work, and up to four kisses on each facial line, adjusting the number of repetitions according to both the number of facial lines present and the amount of time you have to spend doing this kind of kissing. (Kidding – about the counting of facial lines, not the content.)

This endearing, affectionate action provides an effective counterbalance to rude stuff, and can produce interesting configurations of Yin and Yang in the energy flow between you when performing it at the same time as, say, sticking your finger in O’s arse.

Do not be afraid to kiss O’s cheek with full love because you think it might make you appear too soft, child-like or parental. This might be the one action which transforms sex from cold to warm.

Sucking Nipple

Occasionally, you find yourself in a perfect moment. Looking out to sea from your balcony, sun on your face, not too hot, a pair of seagulls cavorting against the endless expanse of blue sky, sunlight tickling the inside of your brain, fishermen mending nets on the beach below, hands working to the rhythm of the waves. In this moment you feel no pressure, no demands. Aware that you’re blending with the perfection and totality beyond time or temporal concerns, you allow yourself to feel gratitude for the perfect moment.

Beneath your balcony is an unfinished wall, a small pile of wet cement and some bricks. Three determined young men, each skilled in the ancient art of masonry, begin to bang and hammer remorselessly. Perfect moment over.

Your life is a series of moments. Moments of all shapes, sizes, hues and tones. When you fantasise about your perfect ‘relationship,’ what you’re fantasising about is a perfect moment and/or series of moments. In real-time, it is these perfect moments, when they arise of themselves from the Tao, that give you the fuel, impetus and motivation to keep going through all the other not-so-perfect moments.

As perfect moments go, there is nothing quite like finding yourself teasing, sucking, kissing, licking and sometimes even mildly nipping the nipple and surrounding countryside of an O you love.

The ancient art of nipple stimulation revolves around encouraging them to talk to you. Not about current affairs, fashion, culture, or even spirituality. To talk to you from the heart and soul of O, in language beyond words, about love. Love and the perfect moment.

Some nipples are precocious. Some nipples are shy. Some nipples talk and sing to you as soon as you look at them. Some nipples need coaxing over time.

This does not just vary from O to O. Often O’s left nipple will have a completely different personality to O’s right one. You must be observant of this and take time to get to know each one. To develop a rapport. You’ll probably have a favourite, as will O, and it’s grand when you and O both prefer the same nipple. But don’t let this encourage you to be unfair. Be sure to spend ample time dialoguing with both left and right.

Though sucking nipple is performed predominantly by boy-O’s and/or bisexual and lesbian women on O-girls, there is nothing in the rule book to prevent O-girls doing it to boy-Os with equally beneficial results. Hence the word breast in the following instructions applies to that part of O’s anatomy (female or male) responsible for supporting O’s nipple(s).

Take O’s breast in your hand(s). In choosing which breast to take first, simply allow yourself to be pulled to one side or the other by instinct or proximity to your face. Do this with gentle authority. Take command of the breast as you would an orange (half) you were about to savour on a sunny day, or even a watermelon or a mango.

Take a moment to observe the nipple in its pre-stimulated state. Lick slowly and lightly round the areola, as if licking round the circumference of an ice-cream cone. Observe the goose-bumping effect on the surrounding skin. Trace up to eighteen circles or more with your tongue (counter-clockwise on the right nipple, clockwise on the left).

Now lick round and round the nipple itself, tracing another eighteen circles with your tongue (same direction as above). Observe any visible physiological changes in the shape, skin texture and hue of the nipple.

Now position your open lips around the nipple, lightly and gently, with an in-and-out rolling motion of the lips, suck (like a baby sucking nectar), using the tip of your tongue to lick the nipple-top each time you roll your lips under to suck the nipple in. Perform up to thirty-six lip-rolling (suck and release) motions, or more, then repeat the entire procedure on the other breast.

Stimulating O’s nipples thus, causes noticeable heart-opening sensations and encourages great feelings of tenderness and love to flow.

Moreover, the nipples are connected energetically, directly to the clitoris/glans. Conducting parlance with them in this way is like winning the support of the boss’s personal assistant before going in to make the big pitch.

For warming the current of sexual love, it is imperative that you suck nipple. While doing so, feel free to use your hands, feet and other moving parts inventively to simultaneously bring pleasure to O’s other breast/nipple, clitoris/glans, and/or any other part of O you fancy touching.

Hand jobs

This is (primarily) for O-girls dealing with boy-Os.

Every man likes to wank in his own particular/peculiar way. Your role is not necessarily to replicate that. It is to wank him in your own unique way custom-adapted (over time) to please that particular O. In other words, you must wank him in a way he’ll never forget and which he can’t do for himself (or he might as well do it for himself).

There is no universally correct way to wank a man. There are, however, with the exception of dealing with an out-and-out brute, one or two universal things not to do.

You should not grab hold of his dick as if clutching the gear shift of an off-road utility vehicle falling off a cliff, to slam it into reverse.

Nor should you attempt to grab it after prolonged trapeze, rope-climbing practice or any other manual activity which has caused excessive callousing of the palms.

The penis must be taken gently but firmly in your hand. Not fearfully, in loving awe perhaps, but not timidly or gingerly. Apply only 4oz of pressure. Don’t get stuck on holding it. Stroke it delicately up and down the length of its noble shaft, along the back, front and sides. Use the tips of your fingers like feathers. Don’t be functional about it. Transmit love through your hands and fingertips.

Don’t isolate the penis. Let your fingertips stroke (very lightly) over his balls, under them and into his perineum.

What you’re looking for is to establish a relationship with O’s dick. You’ve got to get it/him to talk to you. You’ve got to become allies. After all, he’s O’s closest friend. Like any wild animal with a mind of its own, you have to break him in gently. Gain his trust. Hence the need to go in confidently. But you must be extremely sensitive.

Penises, like vaginas, can get sore easily from excess friction. So always make initial contact softly to gauge O’s idea of 4oz. If you have some oil/lubrication to hand it might be helpful to avail yourself of it at this point. Otherwise/anyway, feel free to use your own vaginal fluid and/or saliva by first collecting it in your hand(s).

(The following is for when O’s dick is erect, but can be easily adapted when wishing to perform manual alchemy on a flaccid one.)

Arrange yourself so that you’re perfectly comfortable. Relax your shoulders, elbows and wrists. Breathe. Take hold of O’s dick as though taking hold of a ceremonial mace and smooth the lubrication you have chosen to use into the shaft, being sure to cover the entire surface area evenly. Apply enough pressure for your hand to move the outer skin against the shaft, but not so much that you actually pull the skin, which is very similar to the delicate skin around your eyes.

There are four sides to a willy: left, right, front and back. I need to clarify front and back here. When the penis is flaccid, the front, i.e. the part you see when looking at O’s full-frontal aspect, becomes the back when O’s penis becomes erect. And the back, i.e. the part you don’t see (the underside) becomes the front. To avoid confusion, I’m calling the underside-when-flaccid aspect, the underside (funnily enough), and the other side, the topside. Left and right remain the same.

Run your fingers up the mid-line of the underside from base to tip, and down the topside from tip to base eighteen times, going very lightly, especially over the top of the head (helmet), as if running your fingers over gold leaf.

On an energetic/reflexive level this stimulates energy to scoop the loop up and down the spinal column to which these energy lines correspond, thus helping rebalance Yin and Yang (bet you never thought giving someone a wank could be so medicinal).

Now, either using both hands or thumb and forefinger of one, stroke likewise up both left and right sides simultaneously from base to tip eighteen times. This builds up an expectant sexual charge and will make O wish (possibly fervently) for you to put some more lubrication on your hand and take hold of his dick with conviction. An act which you should not hesitate to perform, starting off by holding  the middle third of the shaft and moving the flesh against it in a steady up and down rhythm.

Check that the shoulder, elbow and wrist of your active hand are relaxed, your body is comfortably positioned and your breath is regulated and flowing freely.

Do not start at a fast pace. Begin slowly and attempt only to move up and down over more distance until your movement covers the entire length.

There is a given moment at which the tempo starts taking you faster of itself. Wait until you feel this before accelerating. At which point you might like to decide between you of this is intended to make O ejaculate or not. If so, be sure to maintain constant pressure with your hand and to keep your arm relaxed to facilitate double-time piston motion, if required, for as long as necessary. Be extremely tempo-sensitive when O ejaculates, as different boy-Os need you to decelerate/stop the stimulation at different times; some as soon as they squirt, others not until they’ve squeezed out every last drop, and others somewhere in-between.

However, when employing your hand thus as merely part of the greater sexual dance, which is more often than not the case, you will need to cease all manual stimulation before O’s penis, and especially glans (helmet), starts to go a bit purplish and swell that extra bit (like it does).

It can be both usefully informative and socially entertaining to employ the verbal communication mode in order to ascertain the exact details of O’s requirements, likes and dislikes, a propos being tossed off. And, of course, vice versa.

And just as verbal communication is a two-way thing, so is mutual wanking. To which end you will occasionally find yourself performing this technique, while O simultaneously performs its female equivalent on you.

~

In the next section, Barefoot goes onto describe the manual stimulation of the clitoris. Of all Barefoot’s books, this one is perhaps my favourite. Perhaps it should come as no surprise, then, that I recommend you buy it along with Val Sampson’s, Tantra: The Art of Mind-Blowing Sex, both of which are available at Amazon (whether you’re single or able to practise with someone/s).

I’ll be revisiting the subject of Tantric/Taoist sex in future blogs/articles; however, for the time being, I bid you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

~

Thea is author of the inspiring memoir Running into Myself. Buy a copy from Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better yet, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). If you enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, you’ll love Running into Myself.

February 13, 2011

Great Sexpectations (Part 2/3)

Filed under: Reconnect with One Another,Reconnect with Oneself,UD:TANTRA — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — urbandeva @ 12:54 pm

(Click here to read part 1/3.)

Great Sexpectations (Part 2/3)

Continuing on from yesterday, the following excerpt is taken from Val Sampson’s, Tantra: The Art of Mind-Blowing Sex:

Start a love affair with yourself

You can begin a love affair with yourself. This is not as strange as it may sound at first. It is about being open to finding pleasure and enjoyment and a sense of completeness in yourself that you may or may not choose to share with another individual. Ironically, if you enjoy a love affair with yourself, you will not only be better equipped to tackle life on your own, but will also be more likely to attract a partner (if that’s what you want) and to bring richer and deeper qualities to any future relationship.

So how do you do it? When people begin a good relationship with someone else, they do everything in their power to bring happiness to their beloved. They admire their lover’s qualities, enjoy their company and treat them with respect. How many times have you heard people looking back with fondness on how special their partner made them feel in the early days?

There are few things in life more pleasurable than being the focus of someone’s love, and receiving big chunks of tenderness, approval and admiration. Bearing in mind that you are the source of your own joy, you don’t have to be Einstein to appreciate that this behaviour, which you normally reserve for other people, can be translated into caring for yourself. It sounds simple and straightforward, yet very few people admire themselves, enjoy their own company and treat their minds and bodies with respect. If they did, why would so many of us moan about our looks; seek one-night stands in order not to be alone; watch mindless films and TV; eat junk food or smoke cigarettes?

Beginning a love affair with yourself marks the start of a new relationship with your mind and body. It is about acceptance, integrity, mental stimulation and nourishment. If you’re in doubt about how to make it work, just ask yourself, Am I doing something I would recommend or want to share with someone I really loved? It’s pretty much a failsafe test. Take exercise, for example. Yes, you’d probably want a partner who looked after their body and do the best they could to stay healthy for as long as possible. So why shouldn’t you want the same for yourself?

Or take smoking. Do you really want to be around someone who’s wreathed in cigarette smoke and tastes like an old ashtray? If the answer is No, is it really such a good idea to carry on smoking yourself? The same applies to following a healthy diet and stimulating an enquiring mind. Think of the admirable physical and mental qualities you’d seek in a partner and ask yourself if you share them. And if you don’t, work out how you can. If ‘loving yourself more’ sounds a bit too vague, work out practical steps you can take so you can match your ideal partner.

Connect with your own sexual energy

Remember, harnessing sexual energy does not need to involve another person. In Tantra people learn how to transform masturbation into self-pleasuring. This turns a process that many people think of as a sexual ‘quick-fix’ into a way of honouring and loving yourself.

Follow the routine below to get in touch with your own sexual energy:

1)      Set aside some time to give yourself the same attention that you would devote to a lover.

2)      Create a warm, pleasant environment. Again, imagine that you are preparing for a lover to visit you. Make the same amount of effort. Tidy away the debris from the room you plan to use, dim the lights, put on a favourite CD (if it’s Papa Roach swap it for something slightly more soothing) and light a candle or two.

3)      Start by touching and feeling your whole body, as if for the first time. Some people like to anoint themselves with massage oil; others prefer something less slippery such as body lotion.

4)      Think about the way you touch yourself. Often we touch ourselves in a way that we would hate to be touched by anyone else. Try to bring love into your hands and stroke your body all over before you concentrate on your genitals.

5)      When you begin to pleasure yourself, try to stay as relaxed as you can, instead of tensing your thighs or belly. Imagine breathing into those areas instead of tensing.

6)      Place your other hand on your heart. Or try taking the energy up to your ‘third eye’ and touching the point in your forehead between your eyebrows. This may result in your seeing images of light or brightness if you close your eyes.

7)      When you are feeling quite aroused, take plenty of time to relax instead of feeling the need to speed up towards orgasm. Always remember, move down a gear instead of up.

8)      In many instances, masturbation tends to be a way of finding a release instead of enjoying the process. When you move to self-pleasuring, pay special attention to your body, rather than completely losing yourself in the rush towards orgasm.

9)      Don’t slip into a sexual fantasy, but be present with yourself instead. This is a big change for most people as it involves being aware of your mind and body at the same time. Some people fear that they won’t become aroused without a fantasy, but it is perfectly possible to manage without one.

There is a world of difference between the experience of loving yourself and losing yourself in a sexual fantasy. It is not that enjoying a fantasy is bad, but it is a very different experience to be really present with yourself and your body instead.

This exercise may not be as easy as you might expect. Most of us have surprising barriers to loving ourselves in this way, but it is worth experimenting with it and moving over any hurdles your unconscious mind may set up for you. If you find it tough to begin with, simply notice what thoughts come up and then let them go without getting caught in a mire of negative judgements and analysis. Try again with the attitude that you are doing something beneficial for yourself and see where it takes you.

Barefoot Doctor, in his Handbook for Modern Lovers, puts it in his own inimitable way:

Importance of being comfortable with your own sexuality

If you’re not, how can you be comfortable with someone else’s? How can they be comfortable with yours? That’s what makes sex uncomfortable, excessively coarse pubic hair and/or confined spaces notwithstanding.

To be truly comfortable with your sexuality, you have to truly accept all your strange little/not-so-little sexual quirks, and love yourself for them. Contrary to the biblical ethos, you have to be able to love yourself physically. And yes, I mean wanking (US — jerking off). Have a shower. Dry off. Get some non-rancid, preferably sexually sympathetic smelling massage oil, and in the privacy of your own room/bathroom, massage slowly down the front of your torso, spending luxurious amounts of time teasing your breasts/manly chest and nipples, slowly stroking down over your belly to, you guessed it, your special place i.e. genitals. Rub the oil gently into your genitals. Rub it up the inside of your thighs. Rub it inside your asshole, your perineum and scrotum, if you have one. Whisper sweet nonsense to yourself (‘I’m so sexy, I love myself so much, I can’t give myself enough pleasure’), then proceed to do just that (give yourself enough pleasure). And don’t be ashamed afterwards. Don’t pretend you didn’t just do that. Reassure yourself. Say something like, ‘It is good to engender pleasure in myself for myself. It is part of my ongoing sexual healing process,’ then have another shower if you need to carry on as you were. If the sexual phase of action can be completed satisfactorily without recourse to fantasy, i.e. with fully-present-in-the-moment pure sexual intelligence, then so much the better.

Good, now you’ve deepened your sexual relationship through comfort with yourself, so opening the way for this to occur satisfactorily with an O.

But for the process to have true impact you need to develop the following attribute (in abundance).

Self-esteem

Tricky one, this. It comes and goes like a slippery fish, depending on previous (childhood) factors, the state of your health and energetic balance, time of month/year/life, as well as the state of health and energetic balance of the communication, sexual and otherwise, between you and O(s).

But building and sustaining it runs along the lines of self-inculcated thought/belief patterns such as: ‘I was special/unique/worthy/valid/sweet-souled enough to have emerged from the Tao as a fully formed human being, so I am special/unique/worthy/valid/sweet-souled enough to be desirable/attractive/irresistible to (suitable) others.’

Somewhat of a mouthful, I know, but you can paraphrase it at will or just lift bits from it. For example, ‘I am desirable.’ (That’s true.) Or, ‘I am a healthy sexual human being.’

It’s not the words of the affirmation, it’s the essence that’s important. You want/need/benefit from the feeling of sexual self-esteem you get when you believe it to be so.

Say, ‘I’m beautiful,’ and for one moment before the goblins come, feel your beauty. Good.

Now say, ‘I’m totally sexually desirable.’ Let yourself feel it. Good.

So when I say, ‘You beautiful sexy thing you,’ just say, ‘I know. Thank you.’

The reflections of each other we see in the mirrors we hold up during the sharing of sexual love are the strongest. If you’re coming to the sexual arena riddled with low self-esteem, you’ll transmit that to O, who’ll respond either by feeling sexually inadequate or by becoming abusive/dominating. Either way, the energy between you will be unbalanced and so will how you feel about it afterwards.

And never go into a sexual situation with somebody because you think they’ll boost your self-esteem, because the way cause and effect works, you’ll come out of it feeling worse.

Take your low self-esteem off with your socks/stockings. Come to the sexual arena proud to be who you are.

(Click here to read part 3 of Great Sexpectations.)

~

Thea is author of the inspiring memoir Running into Myself. Buy a copy from Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better yet, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). If you enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, you’ll love Running into Myself.

January 26, 2011

Can you ‘Change Your Life in 7 Days’? (Part 6/8)

Filed under: Life Coaching — Tags: , , , , , — urbandeva @ 8:16 pm

(Click here to read part 1/8.)

(Click here to read part 2/8.)

(Click here to read part 3/8.)

(Click here to read part 4/8.)

(Click here to read part 5/8.)

Day Five: Healthy Foundations

Creating and maintaining a healthy body, mind and spirit


Considering I was dreading today’s chapter (enough writing work on my plate as it is), I really enjoyed it. Good sound advice — basic stuff such as, ‘listen to your body.’ Sounds obvious, but few do. This is something I’ve monitored in my body during the last few years. There are some foods my body likes and others it doesn’t. I’m never quite sure why it has its particular ‘phases’ with regards particular foods, but it does.

Like right now — I can’t stomach alcohol. Last week I had a couple of small glasses of bourbon. My god, did I pay for it the next day. Felt awful. Not touched a drop of anything since. Aubergines and me don’t mix very well either. I like them, but my body’s been retching at the mere sight of them recently. Goodness knows why. Thing is, next week it could all have changed again. Most odd.

When I read the sentence ‘… just as the mind influences the body, so the body can influence the mind,’ I nodded along in absolute agreement. When things got really bad for me a few years back (Dec 05/Jan 06) and I hit rock bottom (and my ever-increasing bottom hit the floor), I took up running. Well, perhaps it could be better described as shuffling. Galumphing. I had a three mile circuit and my only aim was to get around it. But I tell you what, the increased confidence and transformation that soon followed was nothing short of miraculous.

Those three miles helped me shift a lot more than just excess fat. Chunnering away to myself on those dark, bitterly cold mornings I sorted through long lost thoughts and feelings as the issues in my tissues began to rise to the surface. Sometimes, the best thing for any upsetting, challenging, or tricky situation is to take it for a good, brisk walk. Doesn’t even have to be that far. Twenty minutes is enough.

He also shares the Taoist technique of the ‘Inner Smile’ which is easy to do and leaves you with an inner glow:

1)      Sit comfortably — ultimately, you can practise the inner smile anywhere, in any position.

2)      Allow a smile to dance into your eyes. If you like, raise the corners of your mouth ever so slightly, like someone who knows a really cool secret but doesn’t need to tell.

3)      Smile into any part of your body that feels tight, or uncomfortable, until it begins to ease or relax.

4)      Smile into any part of your body that feels especially good. You can increase the smile by expressing gratitude to that part of the body for helping to keep you healthy and strong.

5)      Allow the inner smile to reach every corner of your body. Here are some specific suggestions:

a)      Smile into the organs of your body — your heart, liver, pancreas, kidneys, sex and adrenal glands. If you don’t know where these organs are, it’s OK to pretend — your body will redirect the energy for you.

b)      Smile down through your oesophagus and into your stomach. Smile all the way through your large and small intestines and out of your bottom. (If anyone can think of a more delicate way to put that, answers on a postcard, please!)

c)       Smile up into your brain, then down through the base of your skull and all the way down to the bottom of your spine.

You can smile into your life as well as your body. Try smiling and expressing your gratitude into a relationship, an environment or a project you are currently working on, and notice how the energy around that situation begins to shift!

(By the way, that was one of McKenna’s many, many exclamation marks, not mine.)

(Click here to read part 7/8 — Creating Money)

UD ~

(To read more about how Thea transformed her life from the bottom-up and inside out, buy her inspiring book here.)

January 11, 2011

The Doctor will See You Now

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — urbandeva @ 3:55 pm

In the first of a new regular column for Manchester Confidential exploring Spirit & Soul, Thea Euryphaessa (aka Urban Deva) gets metaphysical with Taoist teacher and author, Stephen Russell (aka Barefoot Doctor).

I came across a blog of yours from a couple of years back in which you pondered cocaine-plus-vodka addiction particularly among women:

“So I’m looking around at all these powerful, beautiful women, these modern manifestations of female divinity and wondering about the roots of this insidious, low self-esteem syndrome, and wondering what could be done to remedy the problem.”

Had any further thoughts?

Well, yes. Though I’m not sure I’d be able to do this on a big scale. It occurred to me that people need love and nurturing and to be shown the possibility that they’d be OK without their self-destructive habits; that these habits were in fact an illusion, that the power to grant them social ease, confidence and presence they ascribed them was in fact something they gave themselves from within and really had nothing to do with the drug or alcohol. Based on this, I treated one woman with a whopping great €4k a month cocaine and vodka addiction, using quite a lot of hypnotherapy, some acupuncture, a lot of encouragement and positive feedback and a lot of visualisation. Within three months she was off the coke, and a month later off the vodka. This was over a year ago and she’s remained completely clean.

Another was hooked on twice-weekly cocaine binges and using a bit of hypnotherapy and a lot of self-esteem building over a six month period, she stopped four months ago.

However, both examples required a lot of my time, focus and energy, which isn’t going to work on a large scale, so in fact, I’m still in the same state of wondering.

You say you’ve noticed this (excessive use of drink/drugs) more in women? What do you reckon that’s about then?

Women have only very recently found their power. From Germaine Greer to Madonna to the Spice Girls, today’s modern empowered woman has only existed for a few decades compared to thousands of years of male domination. To be out and about having to exercise that power naturally triggers thousands of year’s worth of insecurities wired deep into the system; hence the need for a little confidence booster which the combination of alcohol and cocaine seems to offer so perfectly. Obviously the price to pay far outweighs the benefit. At the beginning and for a while after, it’s easy enough to kid yourself you’ll get away with it. However, it’s not just the women: everyone’s afraid of everyone — men are afraid of men, women are afraid of women, men are afraid of women, and women are afraid of men. Fear of ridicule, rejection, humiliation, being physically hurt or overpowered and so on. This fear, of course, is primal, mostly unconscious, and generally felt as no more than social shyness. Alcohol helps you over that and cocaine clears your head so you can keep on drinking. The men are doing it too; however, if you watch carefully, there’s always a lot more traffic moving through the women’s toilets than the men’s. At least it looks that way to me. Maybe I’ve been fixating on women’s loos to much, who knows.

Aside from being a confidence booster, do you reckon it may also point to a yearning, albeit unconscious, for the spiritual in an ecstatic sense? I often hear women (particularly British and American) say that they want to ‘get out of their heads,’ rather than just enjoy a relaxed, sociable drink. The extremity of the swing often borders on the maenadic…

Yes. I think the need to lift-off on a regular basis, to transcend the mundane, is fundamental to the human condition. Shamans have been doing it and leading others to it since we started out on the planet and this, of course, is common to both genders. And the yearning for a lift-off definitely arises from a yearning to touch spirit — the consciousness informing the party. Personally, I feel it lurking more in the party milieu than anywhere else — certainly more than in most churches or temples. Though I’d say this would be pretty much entirely unconscious on most people’s parts. I’ve often discussed it and presented this theory to the relevant parties at parties and have been met with derisive snorts, usually as a prelude to the other sort of snort.

Bringing it back down into the body, doesn’t sex also provide an opportunity to transcend the mundane? I’m particularly interested in the Taoist take on this.

Yes. In fact, the Taoists developed sex as a meditation and healing tool in itself. So, depending on how you did it, you’d achieve a different sort of altered state of  effect. It’s often misconstrued as being all about men retaining their sperm on orgasming, but in fact, is very little do with that. It’s about each party entering a deep state of meditation and remaining there by using slow breathing and muscular relaxation instead of panting and going taught; i.e. remaining fully mindful throughout the sexual experience. When done correctly, it leaves both feeling high, nurtured, energised and incredibly cheerful and optimistic.

Ah, that’s interesting. So the Taoists view the body as sacred, then?

Yes. The body is the arena in which we experience life and life is sacred so the body is sacred — but no more so than any ontological phenomenon. My own take on it, influenced by trance grandmaster Raja Ram, is your body is your temple, but it’s also your nightclub — you’ve got have some fun in/with it too, in other words.

Finally, do you have a simple exercise/affirmation that men and women could practise, together or alone, to encourage a deeper, more consciously embodied state?

A simple exercise to practise with someone/s or alone to attain a more conscious state — there are obviously an infinite number, but try this: sitting or standing comfortably, imagine a silver thread attached to the crown of the head being gently pulled upwards, thereby subtly lengthening the spine, especially at the back of the neck. Feel all the weight of the head, shoulders, and upper body sink downwards into the hips and legs, so the lower body feels grounded and the upper body, light and airy. Draw your mind backwards so you’re gazing out at the world from way further back inside your skull. Soften your heart area. Concentrate on your belly button and feel it moving to and fro as you breathe slowly in and out. This is the optimally aligned state. Now picture all the consciousness of the cosmos gathering into a column of light and pouring itself down through the crown of your head along the front of your spine and through your pelvic floor into the ground, washing away all mundane thinking and spiritualising everything about your life, the life of whomever you’re with, and the lives of everyone on earth, as it penetrates the ground beneath you and and suffuses the entire earth, imbuing you and everyone else with transcendent bliss forevermore.

(Thea and Barefoot got along so well, they’re collaborating on a talk or two in Manchester this spring.  Stay posted for further details.)

With thanks to Barefoot for his time.

~

Barefoot’s latest book, The Man Who Drive With His Eyes Closed, is out now. For further information, visit his website at superchargedtaoist.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @BarefootDoctor.

Thea is an author, life-coach, Reiki Teacher, and scholar of archetypal psychology who goes by the alter ego Urban Deva (pr. ‘day va’). You can follow her on Twitter @UrbanDeva. Her book, Running into Myself, is available now to buy/download from Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com.

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