The Constellation of Transformation

“A soul that is ruined in the bud will frequently return to the springtime of its beginning and its promise-filled childhood, as though it could discover new hopes there and retie the broken threads of life. The shoots grow rapidly and eagerly, but it is only a sham life that will never be a genuine tree.” — Hermann Hesse

So, here we are in the last week of February. At this point, most folk’s New Year’s resolutions will be a distant memory. It’s easy to make promises during the holiday season while lay semi-comatose on the couch, barely able to button up your pants from overindulging. Looking out across the horizon of a fresh New Year, wild with possibilities and sparkling potentialities we promise ourselves that, come what may, we’ll make it happen: we’ll change our lives, pursue a career that fulfils us; end a relationship that degrades or undermines us; we’ll get fit, nourish our bodies, give up smoking, start exercising, drink a little less alcohol and drink a little more water.

But, you see, the mistake almost everyone makes is to go out all guns a blazing by attempting to change everything at the same time. Sick of our lives and their never-ending hamster-on-a-treadmill routines, we embark on change we have neither the physical or psychic wherewithal to stick to in the long-term.

What do I mean?

Well, lots of life coaches, for example, will recommend you draw up goals, set targets, get motivated, and get moving. You’ll hear experts recommend you think positive and practise the power of positive intention, regularly repeat affirmations that You Can Do It. But here’s where I get curious, suspicious even: transforming your life is all well and good; it’s exhilarating, exciting, liberating — but it’s also terrifying, unpredictable and for the most part, out of your control. Just talk to anyone who’s truly transformed their lives from the bottom-up and they’ll tell you much the same. Better to start as low-key as possible, fly under the radar as much as you can, build momentum out-of-sight of others and, most important of all, prove yourself to yourself.

You see — and I can’t emphasise this enough — you cannot compartmentalise change. If you change one area of your life completely, it will quickly spread and have a knock-on effect on other areas of your life. So choose one small, seemingly innocuous aspect that’s ripe for transformation and concentrate on that. ‘Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey’ is my mantra.

One of my favourite, most tried and trusted suggestions for anyone who professes to be committed to overhauling their lives is that they get out outside, take a regular walk. Every single day for ninety consecutive days, whatever the weather, walk. For thirty minutes. Doesn’t matter what pace, doesn’t matter whether you do it alone or with others, just walk. During this time do not, under any circumstances, attempt to change anything else in your life. Continue with the same diet, continue doing whatever it is you want to give up, whether it’s scoffing junk food, smoking, drinking — don’t attempt to make any other changes. Just walk. Thirty minutes, every day, for ninety (preferably consecutive) days. Because, and here’s the thing, if you just baulked at the prospect of walking every day for ninety days, you stand little chance of ever making permanent other changes in your life.

Why walking? Because it involves the whole body and demands you make and take regular time out for yourself. Because it’s a proven way to help strengthen the ego from the outside-in. Because it builds both the physical and psychic muscles of momentum, stamina, and endurance; muscles that lack in the majority of today’s sedentary, impatient, want-it-all-right-now folk; muscles necessary for long-term transformation. Put simply, if you can’t walk your talk — and stick to it — you have very little chance of going the distance in whatever area of your life you profess to want change in. Think of this as a litmus test of your self-commitment.

It also provides a wonderful initiatory path — literally. When you step out on the street — whether it’s incorporating your walk into your daily commute, getting off the bus a few stops earlier, parking the car farther away, leaving the car at home; getting up earlier than you normally would to enjoy the lighter mornings; switching off the telly and going out for a walk post-meal in the evenings — you’re saying to yourself, without having to practise any abstracted, all-in-the-head affirmations, that you’re finally on the road to change.

Don’t worry about what will happen at the end of the ninety days — don’t get ahead of yourself. Just stay in the present, commit to yourself in the here and now. Oh, and observe. Watch for friends’ and partners’ reactions. People may profess to want the best for us, but just keep an eye and ear open to comments made when you consciously, proactively begin carving out time for yourself. As I said earlier, Change Changes Everything. When we change our relationship with ourselves, it forces others to change their relationships not only with us, but towards themselves. No-one likes the status quo being upset. Be prepared for resistance.

You might think this selfish, taking regular time for yourself away from your family, your friends. But here’s the thing: there’s nothing worse than living with someone simmering over with unfulfilled potentialities, unlived dreams, and long pent-up hopes. No matter how hard we try, depression, frustration, and desperation cannot be contained, locked down. They have a habit of seeping out and contaminating our surrounds. Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they can’t be felt or sensed by partners, children, and friends.

Just watch someone mindlessly knock back glass after glass of wine every night in an attempt to numb the pain of regret and sense of self-loathing; watch how someone unconsciously anaesthetises themselves every evening by immediately switching on the telly and/or Internet looking for something, anything, to distract them from thinking about the real, pressing issues in their lives, the fear of being left alone with the silent depths of themselves; watch someone absent-mindedly munch their way through a box of chocolates or a tin of biscuits in a fruitless attempt to be ‘fulfilled.’ Always remember: you can’t get enough of what you don’t really want.

You don’t have to walk. You could lock yourself away and spend thirty minutes reading a book on a subject that nourishes you, feeds the fire of your imagination. But it’s better if you can throw it on an iPod and listen to it while out walking. Again, you’re bringing your whole body into it, physically incorporating change.

So take advantage of the change in seasons, ride the crest of spring. Go on — you can do it, put your back into it.

:::

Thea is author of the inspiring memoir Running into Myself. Buy a copy from Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide).

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)