(Click here to read part 1/3.)
(Click here to read part 2/3.)
Great Sexpectations (Part 3/3)
The following excerpts are taken from Barefoot Doctor’s Handbook for Modern Lovers:
Don’t be mechanical. Don’t be clinical. Don’t be intellectual. Don’t be obedient (to the instructions/number of repetitions/sequence of techniques). Don’t be impatient. Don’t be scared. Don’t pretend. Don’t fart in bed.
Do us a condom (when you know you should). Do be intuitive (and use the instructions to fire off your own innate sexual knowledge). Do be flowing and natural. Do be gentle, tender, loving, caring and warm. Do be authentic. Do empty your bladder and bowels discreetly (when necessary) before you start, so you don’t expend valuable energy preventing same.
The zygomatic arch forms a vital part of that part of the skeletal structure that supports your face, without which your cheeks would be in grave danger of sliding off.
You may think that kissing cheeks is just for kids, cocktail parties and aunties; however, it would be wise to open your mind on this one.
Kissing O’s cheek with love and tenderness is one of the most direct ways of transmitting love directly into O’s brain (upper Tan Tien), whence it can flow downwards (in the trickle-down effect) to O’s heart, and radiate to fill O’s entire body/being.
Kiss O’s cheeks for the beauty you see there, for the subtle scent of O’s life story. And don’t stop yourself there. Kiss the lines at the sides of O’s eyes. Lines (wrinkles) tell the story of O’s life. Kiss each of O’s lines as a celebration of that story.
You may even like to let loose and follow your kisses wherever they want to go, until you find yourself kissing O all over.
In any case, do up to eight kisses on each cheek, slowly, so as not to come across like a woodpecker at work, and up to four kisses on each facial line, adjusting the number of repetitions according to both the number of facial lines present and the amount of time you have to spend doing this kind of kissing. (Kidding – about the counting of facial lines, not the content.)
This endearing, affectionate action provides an effective counterbalance to rude stuff, and can produce interesting configurations of Yin and Yang in the energy flow between you when performing it at the same time as, say, sticking your finger in O’s arse.
Do not be afraid to kiss O’s cheek with full love because you think it might make you appear too soft, child-like or parental. This might be the one action which transforms sex from cold to warm.
Occasionally, you find yourself in a perfect moment. Looking out to sea from your balcony, sun on your face, not too hot, a pair of seagulls cavorting against the endless expanse of blue sky, sunlight tickling the inside of your brain, fishermen mending nets on the beach below, hands working to the rhythm of the waves. In this moment you feel no pressure, no demands. Aware that you’re blending with the perfection and totality beyond time or temporal concerns, you allow yourself to feel gratitude for the perfect moment.
Beneath your balcony is an unfinished wall, a small pile of wet cement and some bricks. Three determined young men, each skilled in the ancient art of masonry, begin to bang and hammer remorselessly. Perfect moment over.
Your life is a series of moments. Moments of all shapes, sizes, hues and tones. When you fantasise about your perfect ‘relationship,’ what you’re fantasising about is a perfect moment and/or series of moments. In real-time, it is these perfect moments, when they arise of themselves from the Tao, that give you the fuel, impetus and motivation to keep going through all the other not-so-perfect moments.
As perfect moments go, there is nothing quite like finding yourself teasing, sucking, kissing, licking and sometimes even mildly nipping the nipple and surrounding countryside of an O you love.
The ancient art of nipple stimulation revolves around encouraging them to talk to you. Not about current affairs, fashion, culture, or even spirituality. To talk to you from the heart and soul of O, in language beyond words, about love. Love and the perfect moment.
Some nipples are precocious. Some nipples are shy. Some nipples talk and sing to you as soon as you look at them. Some nipples need coaxing over time.
This does not just vary from O to O. Often O’s left nipple will have a completely different personality to O’s right one. You must be observant of this and take time to get to know each one. To develop a rapport. You’ll probably have a favourite, as will O, and it’s grand when you and O both prefer the same nipple. But don’t let this encourage you to be unfair. Be sure to spend ample time dialoguing with both left and right.
Though sucking nipple is performed predominantly by boy-O’s and/or bisexual and lesbian women on O-girls, there is nothing in the rule book to prevent O-girls doing it to boy-Os with equally beneficial results. Hence the word breast in the following instructions applies to that part of O’s anatomy (female or male) responsible for supporting O’s nipple(s).
Take O’s breast in your hand(s). In choosing which breast to take first, simply allow yourself to be pulled to one side or the other by instinct or proximity to your face. Do this with gentle authority. Take command of the breast as you would an orange (half) you were about to savour on a sunny day, or even a watermelon or a mango.
Take a moment to observe the nipple in its pre-stimulated state. Lick slowly and lightly round the areola, as if licking round the circumference of an ice-cream cone. Observe the goose-bumping effect on the surrounding skin. Trace up to eighteen circles or more with your tongue (counter-clockwise on the right nipple, clockwise on the left).
Now lick round and round the nipple itself, tracing another eighteen circles with your tongue (same direction as above). Observe any visible physiological changes in the shape, skin texture and hue of the nipple.
Now position your open lips around the nipple, lightly and gently, with an in-and-out rolling motion of the lips, suck (like a baby sucking nectar), using the tip of your tongue to lick the nipple-top each time you roll your lips under to suck the nipple in. Perform up to thirty-six lip-rolling (suck and release) motions, or more, then repeat the entire procedure on the other breast.
Stimulating O’s nipples thus, causes noticeable heart-opening sensations and encourages great feelings of tenderness and love to flow.
Moreover, the nipples are connected energetically, directly to the clitoris/glans. Conducting parlance with them in this way is like winning the support of the boss’s personal assistant before going in to make the big pitch.
For warming the current of sexual love, it is imperative that you suck nipple. While doing so, feel free to use your hands, feet and other moving parts inventively to simultaneously bring pleasure to O’s other breast/nipple, clitoris/glans, and/or any other part of O you fancy touching.
This is (primarily) for O-girls dealing with boy-Os.
Every man likes to wank in his own particular/peculiar way. Your role is not necessarily to replicate that. It is to wank him in your own unique way custom-adapted (over time) to please that particular O. In other words, you must wank him in a way he’ll never forget and which he can’t do for himself (or he might as well do it for himself).
There is no universally correct way to wank a man. There are, however, with the exception of dealing with an out-and-out brute, one or two universal things not to do.
You should not grab hold of his dick as if clutching the gear shift of an off-road utility vehicle falling off a cliff, to slam it into reverse.
Nor should you attempt to grab it after prolonged trapeze, rope-climbing practice or any other manual activity which has caused excessive callousing of the palms.
The penis must be taken gently but firmly in your hand. Not fearfully, in loving awe perhaps, but not timidly or gingerly. Apply only 4oz of pressure. Don’t get stuck on holding it. Stroke it delicately up and down the length of its noble shaft, along the back, front and sides. Use the tips of your fingers like feathers. Don’t be functional about it. Transmit love through your hands and fingertips.
Don’t isolate the penis. Let your fingertips stroke (very lightly) over his balls, under them and into his perineum.
What you’re looking for is to establish a relationship with O’s dick. You’ve got to get it/him to talk to you. You’ve got to become allies. After all, he’s O’s closest friend. Like any wild animal with a mind of its own, you have to break him in gently. Gain his trust. Hence the need to go in confidently. But you must be extremely sensitive.
Penises, like vaginas, can get sore easily from excess friction. So always make initial contact softly to gauge O’s idea of 4oz. If you have some oil/lubrication to hand it might be helpful to avail yourself of it at this point. Otherwise/anyway, feel free to use your own vaginal fluid and/or saliva by first collecting it in your hand(s).
(The following is for when O’s dick is erect, but can be easily adapted when wishing to perform manual alchemy on a flaccid one.)
Arrange yourself so that you’re perfectly comfortable. Relax your shoulders, elbows and wrists. Breathe. Take hold of O’s dick as though taking hold of a ceremonial mace and smooth the lubrication you have chosen to use into the shaft, being sure to cover the entire surface area evenly. Apply enough pressure for your hand to move the outer skin against the shaft, but not so much that you actually pull the skin, which is very similar to the delicate skin around your eyes.
There are four sides to a willy: left, right, front and back. I need to clarify front and back here. When the penis is flaccid, the front, i.e. the part you see when looking at O’s full-frontal aspect, becomes the back when O’s penis becomes erect. And the back, i.e. the part you don’t see (the underside) becomes the front. To avoid confusion, I’m calling the underside-when-flaccid aspect, the underside (funnily enough), and the other side, the topside. Left and right remain the same.
Run your fingers up the mid-line of the underside from base to tip, and down the topside from tip to base eighteen times, going very lightly, especially over the top of the head (helmet), as if running your fingers over gold leaf.
On an energetic/reflexive level this stimulates energy to scoop the loop up and down the spinal column to which these energy lines correspond, thus helping rebalance Yin and Yang (bet you never thought giving someone a wank could be so medicinal).
Now, either using both hands or thumb and forefinger of one, stroke likewise up both left and right sides simultaneously from base to tip eighteen times. This builds up an expectant sexual charge and will make O wish (possibly fervently) for you to put some more lubrication on your hand and take hold of his dick with conviction. An act which you should not hesitate to perform, starting off by holding the middle third of the shaft and moving the flesh against it in a steady up and down rhythm.
Check that the shoulder, elbow and wrist of your active hand are relaxed, your body is comfortably positioned and your breath is regulated and flowing freely.
Do not start at a fast pace. Begin slowly and attempt only to move up and down over more distance until your movement covers the entire length.
There is a given moment at which the tempo starts taking you faster of itself. Wait until you feel this before accelerating. At which point you might like to decide between you of this is intended to make O ejaculate or not. If so, be sure to maintain constant pressure with your hand and to keep your arm relaxed to facilitate double-time piston motion, if required, for as long as necessary. Be extremely tempo-sensitive when O ejaculates, as different boy-Os need you to decelerate/stop the stimulation at different times; some as soon as they squirt, others not until they’ve squeezed out every last drop, and others somewhere in-between.
However, when employing your hand thus as merely part of the greater sexual dance, which is more often than not the case, you will need to cease all manual stimulation before O’s penis, and especially glans (helmet), starts to go a bit purplish and swell that extra bit (like it does).
It can be both usefully informative and socially entertaining to employ the verbal communication mode in order to ascertain the exact details of O’s requirements, likes and dislikes, a propos being tossed off. And, of course, vice versa.
And just as verbal communication is a two-way thing, so is mutual wanking. To which end you will occasionally find yourself performing this technique, while O simultaneously performs its female equivalent on you.
In the next section, Barefoot goes onto describe the manual stimulation of the clitoris. Of all Barefoot’s books, this one is perhaps my favourite. Perhaps it should come as no surprise, then, that I recommend you buy it along with Val Sampson’s, Tantra: The Art of Mind-Blowing Sex, both of which are available at Amazon (whether you’re single or able to practise with someone/s).
I’ll be revisiting the subject of Tantric/Taoist sex in future blogs/articles; however, for the time being, I bid you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day.
Thea is author of the inspiring memoir Running into Myself. Buy a copy from Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better yet, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). If you enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, you’ll love Running into Myself.