by Thea Euryphaessa

So, it’s finally here (a little earlier than expected) — Growing into MySelf, the follow-up to my debut memoir, Running into Myself: A Journey through the Soul of the Feat.

As with the first book, I’ve self-published. I enjoy bringing a book to fruition and retaining full control of the creative process from conception through publication. My next goal is to become a mind/body/soul publisher à la Louise Hay. That, however, depends on the success of this book. In 2006 I was a budding blogger who hadn’t written much, if anything, since secondary school. Never did I imagine that, seven years later, I’d be the author of two books. Who knows what the next several years will bring?

One of the advantages of eBooks is you get to catch any kinks and knots before it (fingers crossed) goes to print. Thanks to last minute ‘fettering,’ a few minor typos sneaked through (that’ll teach me for mucking about with the text after the sub-editor and proofreaders have looked it over). Still, considering the book is 127,285 words long, I guess I should go easy on myself. So, I’m well aware an ‘s’ is missing off the end of a word, that I change tense halfway through a paragraph, that there is an ‘is’ rather than an ‘as’ in a quote, an ‘of’ rather than an ‘or,’ and a ‘who’ rather than ‘how.’ Minor stuff, but still pins in my perfectionistic eyes!

All I ask is, if you enjoy it, (please) tell your friends. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend. And, wherever possible, please purchase the book direct from my publisher’s website:

 Buy Growing into MySelfdirect from Troubador Publishing

You have no idea how the likes of Amazon screw authors over — especially self-published ones.

For those with Kindles, the book is now available internationally on Amazon and will gradually roll out across all eRetailers over the coming days and weeks.

Download Growing into MySelf for Kindle from Amazon UK

Download Growing into MySelf for Kindle from Amazon US

Read the book? Want to further discuss any of the issues it raises with like-minded folks? Then join the conversation at facebook.com/GrowingIntoMySelf.

Thanks for your support.

Thea

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Growing into MySelf synopsis:

Do you have the courage to explore yourself with total honesty; to accept yourself, soul through bone; to ignore conventional expectations and be true to your inner Self, no matter what?

In her debut memoir, Running Into Myself: A Journey Through the Soul of the Feat, Thea Euryphaessa revealed how a seemingly random impulse to sign her unfit, overweight body onto three marathons helped her to overcome depression and abandon the well-worn road of the mundane 9-to-5 for the rockier path of the more meaningful unknown.

Now, Growing into MySelf follows her as she comes full circle in her transformational Hero’s Journey, submitting to the deeper, darker realm of soul, sex, and an uncertain relationship, framed by a series of five Tantra workshops that Thea undertakes over the course of eighteen months.

Continuing to explore myth, archetypes, dreams, and depth psychology, Thea learns to surrender to the body’s wisdom while also embracing intellect in her quest to become sexually confident and psychologically whole—in short, a woman of substance.

by Thea Euryphaessa

Ahead of the release of Growing into MySelf by Thea Euryphaessa on 24 May 2013, the follow-up to her memoir Running into Myself, here’s an exclusive excerpt:

The Crack

Whenever I settle down to write, I look for a way in, a crack through which I can squeeze my hand, grab a hold of the underlying thread, and tease out the mystery to which I then tend and transform, as best I can, into a coherent article—maybe a book. Once I’m in, I’m in. But as the opening informs the direction the piece will take, it’s crucial that I’m patient, set my ear to the ground, and await the vibrations emanating from the Great Below.

This opening sees me hurtling down the motorway from Manchester to Liverpool en route to a women-only Tantra workshop, in the dark and in a rush—the lattermost part of which summed up my relationship to sex at the time and largely explains why I’d signed up for said workshop in the first place.

The car’s engine was screaming at my pedal to the metal insistence that it get a shift on, Coldplay’s album, Viva La Vida was playing on loop, and I was in a state of disarray which, even now, causes me to stop typing, sigh, and drop my head into my hands.

Contemplating the warm darkness of my palms I’m reminded of those things of which my life was devoid at the time and which I’d pretended didn’t matter but, deep down, did—very much indeed: pleasure, lust, affection, tenderness, intimacy, warmth, sensuousness, desire, romance, passion. Well, it’s not that I didn’t think they mattered; rather, I’d pretended I was immune from—what I perceived to be—the great disease that is vulnerability. From vulnerability, it was only a hop, skip, and a jump to weakness and its close cousin, neediness. Consequently, I was afraid of fully opening myself up to another, of completely surrendering, of losing control.

And so, in an attempt to protect myself, I’d walled myself off and retreated up into the lofty realm of my head where I’d decided it was safe. ‘Up there’ everything can be ordered, rationalised, and compartmentalised. But feelings, emotions, intuitions, and such like are messy, chaotic, and, for the most part, unpredictable.

In fact, have you ever noticed how all the trouble goes on ‘down there’ in the dark, moist depths? That’s the soul’s territory. It’s no wonder various spiritually inclined folk have been so keen to transcend the body, transcend this world, and rise above it all. If they had their way, I’m sure we’d be little more than floating disembodied heads attached, at most, to a piece of string—helium beings. It’s the body and its intrigues which gets us into one fine mess after another.

But I’d finally realised I wasn’t a helium being and so, after being in a dry, next-to-no-sex relationship with a partner who rarely held my hand, let alone pinned me against the wall in an unbridled moment of rip-your-knickers-off passion, the rest of my body—that wild, instinctual, feeling-led mass of wanton flesh—had decided enough was enough and signed me up, consciously/unconsciously, for a Tantra workshop.

Actually, before I continue, I’d better explain what I mean by ‘consciously/unconsciously,’ especially as it seems to be a recurring theme in my life—usually with life-changing consequences.

When I signed up for the New York City Marathon four years earlier and, immediately after, the Rome and Athens Marathons, it was done with little conscious forethought—absentmindedly, you might say. Because if I had sat down and thought through the potential consequences for more than a fraction of a second, I’d have never submitted that application form let alone made a trumpet-accompanied announcement to all my friends about my potential athletic endeavours.

But as I ran across the world, I gathered up lost fragments of my being that had long been scattered and, for the most part, forgotten. Unlike Humpty Dumpty—who fared rather less favourably—I gradually put my broken, mostly loathed self back together again. In New York I unearthed a quiet sense of self-belief; in Rome, I regained a sense of humility and began listening and surrendering to my body’s wisdom; and in Athens I realised ‘I’ wasn’t quite so alone in my little psychic house.

In the months following my marathon pilgrimage, I sat with those fragments, puzzled over them, and pieced them together into, what would eventually become, my first book. Thinking back to how I felt while writing that book causes another head-hands moment. My confusion is apparent for all the world to see. But some implacable force compelled me to write it, insisted itself through me, bore down on me with an unbearable pressure until I finally relented and tried, as best I could, to make sense of what was attempting to be realised through me. In fact, my decision to write a book was another conscious/unconscious moment.

For someone who doesn’t know when to stick a sock in it when it comes to talking or writing, I never aspired to be a writer, let alone an author. But writing is the only way I know how to make sense of my life—a life which compels me to make oddball decisions such as sign up for marathons for which I’m not prepared and write books with no prospect of being published and even less of an idea of what it is I’m trying to say.

But it’s these conscious/unconscious decisions which have proved life-changing and upon which my life has hinged. And I don’t mean to use the term ‘life-changing’ casually or in a trite, clichéd way. These have been genuinely pivotal experiences which have lifted me up out of my narrowly circumscribed idea of life, demanded that I grow, and stretched me to breaking point (and then some), before dropping me back down to earth in the brace position mumbling, There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home...

But no-one made me sign up for one marathon, never mind three. No-one forced me to write a book, either. I’ve naively galumphed into these experiences with all the grace of a lamb to the slaughter. So though I may have insisted, while doing them, that I couldn’t do it—that I’m not big enough, not fit enough, not clever enough, not talented enough (let me tell you, I can wail and flail with the best of them)—when it came down to it, I’ve secretly relished every minute of every challenge I’ve ever stumbled into. Whether I’ve met these challenges as adequately and as proficiently as I could have remains to be seen. But I stepped up to the moment and finished what I started with as much grace and grit as I could muster—and that’s all that matters to me.

And so, in January 2011, I fired off an email to an organisation called Shakti Tantra, consciously/unconsciously, enquiring about their Women’s Invitation workshop which was being held in Liverpool at the end of the following month—a workshop I was now hurtling towards with Death and All His Friends.

Copyright © Thea Euryphaessa, 2013

:::

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author.You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)

Awakening to Sacred Sexuality

By Thea Euryphaessa

Awakening to Sacred Sexuality (Awakenings) is the first of five levels of Shakti Tantra’s mixed training programme.

Methodical, orderly soul that I am, I chose to complete Shakti Tantra’s women’s training programme first, before embarking on the mixed training programme. I’m glad I did it that way as I wanted to clearly differentiate the masculine and feminine principles by working with women first, before later reconnecting with men within a sacred, ritual space.

Having already met Shiva in his highest potential at level five of the women’s training programme (Ecstasy), it was wonderful to meet him at the beginning of his journey towards embodying a deeper relationship with the masculine and feminine energies.

Every time I see a man embrace sacred sexuality in this culture, my faith is renewed that there are still many who want to engage with women at a more mature, more conscious level. What I witnessed at this workshop were men who wanted to get past the cultural stereotypes and learn about women by meeting them with an open heart and a joy of spirit while also approaching them with humility and integrity. In this workshop men respected women, listened to women, and honoured women.

Women, meanwhile, met men at a more conscious, more heartfelt level. Many women don’t want to be angry anymore, lumping them (men) all in the same category, believing them all to be same (i.e. liars, cheats, and bastards)—because the truth is, they’re not. Many women, however, can only do this if they are treated with respect, humility, and integrity which, in this workshop, they were.

In this workshop, we came together to learn from one another and to honour one another. We came together to strip away superficiality and replace it with sacrality. We came together for something more. We came together to nourish the body, to stimulate the mind, to heal the heart. We came together to set aside millennia of hurt and pain. We came together to celebrate one another. We came together to heal.

But above all else, we had an absolute blast. Shakti Tantra know how to create a safe, loving, and non-judgemental space in which people are able to really let go and just be themselves. A sense of humour is encouraged and laughter a priority as the teachers and assistants know how to get the party started and have some fun. But, as always, they keep a watchful eye over all proceedings by holding the space and making sure everyone is supported and cared for—they always, always, always get the balance right.

Like I said, I’m glad I completed the women’s training programme first, before commencing the mixed training programme. I doubt I’d have been able to bring the same level of consciousness to this workshop had I not worked with men beforehand. But having already met and worked with Shiva in a highly ritualised, sacred space at Ecstasy, I was able to carry that level of consciousness over to this workshop which coloured my experience for the better.

On leaving, I felt inspired, my body felt calm and replete, and my heart felt open. I look forward to continuing my mixed training journey with the many delightful souls whom I had the privilege of meeting at this workshop.

Long may this organisation and its fabulous, much needed work continue.

(For further information on Shakti Tantra’s work click here to visit their website.)

Just a quick update to let you know the Urban Deva blog will be quiet for a wee while. Urban Deva’s book reviewer, Rowena Roberts, is busy welcoming and nurturing her beautiful newborn girl, Madeleine (congratulations!).

Meantime, Thea is preparing for the release of her second book, Growing into MySelf, which is the follow-up to Running into Myself. The book will be released as an Ebook on 24 May 2013 in all markets.

If you’d like to stay up to date with announcements etc. make sure to ‘LIKE‘ Growing into MySelf‘s Facebook page.

:::

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author.You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)

Think You Know Good Sex?
(Part Two)

By Thea Euryphaessa

I did this women’s training programme because I always believed there was more to sex than the personal intimate encounters I’d wearily grown accustomed to. Didn’t matter how in love I was with my partner, how much sex I was having, there was always something missing. I felt a vague dissatisfaction, a longing for something ‘more’. What that ‘more’ was, though, I couldn’t quite put my finger on (no pun intended).

But aside from talking with girlfriends, surfing female-friendly porn, reading books, magazines, who can we ask questions of regards sexually-oriented issues? Questions, for example, such as ‘My new partner wants to jump straight into genital sex ― is it too much to ask that we slow down and explore other ways of getting intimately acquainted first?’

‘Is orgasm-oriented, penetrative sex the be-all and end-all?’ ‘Is it insensitive of me to stop my partner mid-action and say, “There’s no pleasure in this for me now; I’d enjoy it much more if you [insert sexual preference] instead”?’ ‘Are there really men out there who take the time to ask what women want, what our pleasure is, and then listen, stay present, and respond on a moment by moment basis and take great delight in that?’  (No, no, no, and fuck yeah!)

I’m also aware there are women who’ll be thinking, ‘Yeah, yeah Thea, this Tantric malarkey all sounds well and good, but just what is it you all do? How can I trust you? You’re not telling us anything.’

That’s right, I’m not. It is a mystery school, after all, in the spirit of the ancient Greek mystery schools, say. But consider this: do you insist on knowing exactly how a relationship will pan out before you embark on it? Do you demand a full run-down on how another will treat you sexually before you tumble into bed with them for the first time? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you but there are no guarantees in life. When all’s said and done all we ever take are ‘educated guesses’ (or not). Do this programme, though, and all you’ll wonder is, what took you so long to do it.

So has my sex life improved? Never mind my sex life, it’s improved my whole life. The confidence I feel in my sexuality, the fullness I feel in my womanliness, ay, ay, ay, it’s delicious. I feel vital, centred, ‘juicy’. I was dead from the neck down before. No more.

I no longer look at my body through the lens of a culture hell-bent on distorting the image we see staring back from the mirror. Where I used to pick and criticise and never felt comfortable, never felt ‘good enough’, today I cherish my body, revel in the skin I’m in, enjoy my erotic self with or without a lover. To borrow a line from Madonna’s Justify My Love, ‘Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another’.

If you have something critical or bitchy to say about my body or anyone else’s, as far as I’m concerned, that says more about you and your relationship (or lack of) with your own body. If you were happily rooted in the ground of your own being, you’d be happy to let everyone else just ‘be’, too.

When you’re able to receive all the parts of yourself, especially the previously unloved parts, you’re able to receive and celebrate the ‘other’ in all their magnificent, flawed humanness, too. In fact, my appreciation of, and love for men has gone through the roof since I did this programme. I relish their ‘otherness’ in a way I didn’t before. Not consciously anyway. The polarity, the difference between us (men and women), ups the sexual tension for me. Probably why I’m turned off by these primped, waxed to within an inch of their cracks, metrosexual types. Give me a Jon Hamm man any day.

So no-one will think you’re ‘silly’ or ‘stupid’ for asking those sexual- or intimately-oriented questions you’ve long harboured but have been too afraid to voice. I doubt there’s anything that could shock or surprise my teachers ― they’ve been doing this work a long time and are bottomless wells of experience, patience, and compassion.

When you rock up at level one (Women’s Invitation), you’ll be with other women who are in the same boat as you (shy, nervous, a bit awkward perhaps) but who’ll fast blossom and bloom in ways that have blown the socks off me.

In fact, I’ve never known a workshop spawn so many entrepreneurs. It seems sexually awakened/sexually empowered women make for more creatively inspired, financially independent women. After the first workshop alone, several of the women went straight out and took back control of their lives, leaving jobs, ending unsatisfying relationships.

They were no longer willing to be rationed on the meagre sexual/emotional/financial handouts occasioned them by insecure/incompetent/power-wielding bosses and/or partners, as though they should be grateful somehow for whatever scraps they got because this might be as good as it gets and/or they may not get any more. They now knew there was more, that they could be more, and, most important, that they deserved more.

So consider this a clitoral clarion call, an appeal to the sexually underwhelmed masses to ‘get your freak on’ however you damn well please. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your permission to pleasure: from the down and dirty right through the mystical, OM-infused end of the spectrum. To quote the late, great William Stafford in his poem A Message From the Wanderer:

Today outside your prison I stand

and rattle my walking stick: Prisoners, listen;

you have relatives outside. And there are

thousands of ways to escape.

Because there’s nothing wrong, nothing shameful in wanting to explore the myriad aspects of your sexuality, the subtle nuances of your sensuality; to step into the fullness of your being; to demand more from your intimate interactions; to writhe and cry out in ecstasy. We’re here to enjoy our bodies, our intellect and to hell with anyone who tries to tarnish us with their frigidity, insecurity, or fear. Because we’re worth it. Because we deserve happiness, abundance, respect, fulfilment.

Question is, do you believe you do?

For more details of the women’s training programme, visit shaktitantra.co.uk/women

To read Thea’s experience of each workshop, click on the following:

― Women’s Invitation

― Women’s Celebration

― Women Behaving Badly

― Women of Substance

― Ecstasy

:::

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author.You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)

By Thea Euryphaessa

Eighteen months ago, I stumbled into level one of Shakti Tantra’s women’s training programme.

I say stumbled, as I arrived late, getting lost en route. For someone with a keen sense of direction, I suspect my lateness was more a deep-rooted, unconscious resistance to what I was about to embark on. Because on the way to the fifth and final week-long workshop (Ecstasy) I’ve just completed down in Cornwall, my girlfriends and I did it again: this time, unconsciously veering off towards London, twice. But we got there… eventually.

The women’s training programme comprises five workshops ― Women’s Invitation, Women’s Celebration, Women Behaving Badly, Women of Substance, and Ecstasy ― spread out over however long it takes you to complete them.

I went straight through all five levels, one after the other, with almost all the same group of women: a group of women who ranged in age from twenty-something through sixty-something, with most in their thirties and forties.

Even while writing this, my mind is still whirring, assimilating and processing all that’s happened, all I’ve experienced. So, let me cut to the chase: if you have a poor relationship with your body (which, let’s face it, is the vast majority), burying it in food/alcohol/drugs/loathing, do this programme.

If you want to revel in your body, delight in it, discover its delicious secrets (and my God, does it harbour many delicious secrets), do this programme. If you want to intimately connect with another, mind, heart and sex, do this programme. If you’re a mother who’s lost touch with her sensual, erotic self, do this programme.

If you’ve ever experienced any form of sexual violation, do this programme. If you find orgasm oriented, penetrative sex boring and unfulfilling, and wonder if there are deeper, more nourishing, more satisfying ways of connecting with another, do this programme. If you want to learn how to experience sheer, unadulterated ecstasy, then, do this programme.

In fact, now I have done this programme, I can confidently say the sex/personal intimate encounters the majority of folk are having are piss poor. A bold statement? Perhaps. But now I’ve completed this training, there’s not a chance in hell I’d ever shack up again with someone who wasn’t Tantric-oriented or, at the very least, wanted to learn about/pursue this path. Because one of the many jewels of this programme is you learn not to sell yourself cheap in any way, shape, or form. Quality, not quantity.

And I don’t care how much sex you profess to have, how many orgasms you have, how ‘in love’ you are with your partner, or how ‘mind-blowing’ your encounters may be; how you know your way around the anatomy of your beloved better than a gynaecologist ― I’m here to tell you that, unless you’ve done a programme like this, you haven’t got a clue.

Until you’ve learnt about the ‘intricacies of your intimacies’; healed the deep-rooted shame you carry around your ‘funny smelling’, ‘ugly’, or ‘strange’ looking yoni (vagina, muff, minge) with a seeming life of its own; your podgy belly, saggy/stretch-marked boobs, dimply thighs/knees/bum; until you’ve realised you do deserve to receive and enjoy juicy, evocative, enriching encounters; looked the deeply hidden, psychological demons that block and inhibit your pleasure straight in the eye; explored the many, many aspects of your sexuality (and believe me, there are many), I’m telling you, you haven’t got a clue.

(Click here to read Part Two)

For more details of the women’s training programme, visit shaktitantra.co.uk/women

To read Thea’s experience of each workshop, click on the following:

– Women’s Invitation

- Women’s Celebration

- Women Behaving Badly

- Women of Substance

- Ecstasy

:::

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author.You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)

By Thea Euryphaessa

I didn’t want to do this workshop.

Every time someone asked whether I was going, I answered with an emphatic NO ― no way, not interested. Singing? Pah. Besides, what’s singing got to do with Tantra? (The workshop was hosted and promoted by Shakti Tantra.)

Only thing was, my teacher (Hilly Spenceley) wasn’t having it. In fact, I’ve never known her peck my head so much: she mithered me to bloody death. But it was only when she asked the right question ― What’s really going on here, Thea? ― that I finally ‘fessed up.

Fear.

Ugh.

Then it all came out.

My ex-boyfriend had ripped the piss out of my singing. Admittedly, I’ve never been able to hold a note (not that that’s ever stopped me). But I couldn’t even hum without him saying something sarcastic about my apparent tunelessness. His tactless jibes had filled me with insecurities and, consequently, curbed my crooning. Now, singing made me feel stupid and fearful.

Prior to this, however, I’d always given singing a go. In primary school, I sang hymns every morning in assembly. I grew up next to a church which had a famous gospel choir and, as a teenager, could often be found in there singing, clapping, swaying to the rhythm. In secondary school, my English teacher, Jules Gibb, taught us the African National Anthem ― N’Kosi Sikeleli ― to celebrate the release of Nelson Mandela. I still know all the words off by heart. Jules also set me on the path to becoming a writer ― she freed my voice in more ways than one. And Michael Meade (storyteller, mythology teacher) had us singing tribal songs for hours on end, high up in the Santa Cruz Mountains, beneath the light of the moon at a retreat I did back in 2010.

It’s funny, but I remember saying at Ecstasy ― Shakti Tantra’s fifth and final workshop of the Women’s Training Programme ― that surely this had to be it? Surely we’d looked in all the dark corners, unearthed everything that needed unearthing? No stones left unturned and all that.

Oh, how I regret opening my big mouth. Because when I opened my big mouth and started singing at Ida Kelarova’s ‘Open Your Heart and Sing’ workshop, the penny dropped as to why I absolutely had to be there.

Part of my Tantra journey is about recovering those fragments of myself I’ve lost along the way ― a physical ‘re-membering’. At times I’ve felt like Humpty Dumpty, gathering up numb, broken, unloved body parts, putting myself back together again. But there was one area I’d completely overlooked: my voice.

After all, what’s the point of doing all this Tantric work, all these workshops, if you can’t access and express your True Voice? And before you even think about saying you have no problem expressing your authentic voice, think again.

As a writer, I spend all day, every day mouthing off (albeit via a keyboard). In fact, it’s one of the very clever reasons I gave as to why I didn’t need to do Ida’s workshop. I’m in touch with my ‘voice’, I said. No problems here. But Ida’s work isn’t just about singing ― it’s about accessing and expressing your True Voice. Not the up-in-your-head voice with its plethora of excuses, dexterous diction, and cleverly crafted comments.

That’s the place where, if I’m not careful, I can retreat into and hide out. Tantric work bypasses that (thank God), which is why I do it. But so does Ida’s.

You see, it’s not about making you a better singer (which is why it doesn’t matter if you can’t hold a note even if your life depended on it). Ida’s work ― from my perspective, anyway ― focuses on taking your breath, your voice, all the way down into the depths, down, down, down, all the way down into feeling and, further still, touching the void, hold it there… keep holding… (squirm baby, squirm)… and breathe. Cue coughing/tears.

Welcome to your True Voice.

As you journey down into the depths, down into discomfort, down into the rawness of your feelings ― anger, sadness, fear, pain, joy, love ― you’ll be stripped bare. Pathways will be cleared, old hurts will surface, but a more authentic you will emerge. And that’s one of the many things I liked about Ida ― that she doesn’t tolerate bullshit or falseness. And because English isn’t her first language, she has no time for incessant waffling, life stories, and talking round the houses. All she wants is a short, honest answer to the question she’s asked (“Why do people complicate everything? It’s simple!”).

Which brings me to another point: while you’re in the workshop, it might look like you’re ‘only’ doing some singing, a few breathing exercises, bit of group sharing ― no big deal. But don’t be fooled. A week later and several songs have got under my skin and are still going round and round in my head. Not just that, but something was stretched, expanded, something was purged and there’s no going back to how it was before Ida’s workshop. Yes, something I’d been (unconsciously) holding back was definitely let go of. Released.

I also liked the fact we didn’t know what we were singing about (all the songs were in Romani), because that would’ve pulled us out of genuine authenticity ― away from our True Voice ― and into performance mode. But Ida’s work isn’t about putting on a good show, a happy face, saying the ‘right thing’. It’s about getting real with yourself and feeling the vitality of the emotion, voicing the fullness of your power. It’s about clearing the blockages that hold you back, keep you small. It’s about having the courage to be vulnerable, the willingness to be exposed.

It’s about taking the breath of life and using is as a key to open your heart and sing.

***

Ida Kelarova’s next workshop will be 3-5 May in Cornwall, UK. Visit Shakti Tantra’s website for more details.

Visit Ida Kelarova’s website here.

Pathways to Bliss: Mythology and Personal Transformation

By Rowena Roberts

Part of me doesn’t want to write this review. Not yet. Perhaps in a few months, or in a few years, I’ll feel more able to do this review justice, when I have a fuller grasp of everything this book contains. For the fact is that, Pathways to Bliss is rich in topics, concepts, and philosophies that are relatively new to me. Its contents are broad in scope and deep in meaning, drawn from lectures and interviews that took place over a period of two decades. There is, in short, a lot to take in.

But that’s what I love about reading, after all. That sense of your mind opening, curious, receptive to new and alternative perspectives; pondering different words and possibilities; deciding what can be taken as fuel for your own imagination and ideology, and what can be left for others to pick up. Thus, it is the same richness of content within this book that makes it difficult for me to sum up in a review, which also compels me to write about it now.

At its base, Pathways to Bliss illuminates the common nature of the human experience: that which transcends historical and geographical boundaries and unites us all. Simultaneously, it addresses the individual nature of the human experience, acknowledging that we all have our unique journeys to find, explore, and undertake within this common context: our own highly personal ‘pathways to bliss’.

Bliss, in this context, means fulfilment and satisfaction; a sense of personal certainty, self-awareness, and contentment. It also means much more than this. It is the ultimate, the transcendent experience, the essence of the universe that is held within you. It may even be the meaning of life itself.

“bliss is: that deep sense of being present, of doing what you absolutely must to be yourself… Your bliss can guide you to that transcendent mystery, because bliss is the welling up of the energy of the transcendent wisdom within you.”

Sounds good, doesn’t it? So how do we find it?

A good way to reach your bliss, Campbell believes, is to follow the clues that humanity has historically left along the wayside in the form of myths. Somewhat controversially, he includes religious tales within his definition of mythology, claiming:

“One might reasonably define mythology as other people’s religion. The definition of religion is equally uncomplicated: it is misunderstood mythology. The misunderstanding consists typically in interpreting mythological symbols as though they were references to historical facts.”

Science, Campbell asserts, is effectively demonstrating with ever-more clarity that religions are not based in historical fact. Yet, before the atheists start to celebrate, he still believes that there is truth of another kind to be found in religion — the truth of its symbols, found within its stories. These symbols continue to point to an objective truth: a truth that is not to be found outside ourselves in historical fact, but within ourselves, in our experience of the world at a transcendental level.

“These symbols stem from the psyche; they speak from and to the spirit. And they are in fact the vehicles of communication between the deeper depths of our spiritual life and this relatively thin layer of consciousness by which we govern our daylight existence.”

To back up his argument, Campbell explores and analyses tales from various times and cultures in order to reveal a surprising fact; namely, “One finds the same basic mythological themes in all the religions of the world”. These themes, it seems, have risen independently from the psyche in different parts of the world. They are naturally shaped by local geography and cultures, but the fact that they share basic elements seems to indicate that they are essentially products of — and a necessary part of — the universal human experience.

For millennia, myths have formed the bedrock of human cultures and societies. They help us to understand and interpret the world around us, to give it form and sense. They give us values to live by, rules to follow. They are the knowledge of our ancestors, ready-packaged with lessons in life for us to learn from, and apply to our own personal journeys. But instead of speaking to our logical, factual brain with facts and figures, they speak to our imaginative spirit, our mystery-loving soul, with symbols and images.

And this, Campbell believes, is absolutely necessary if our psyches are to function properly and healthily in the world today. Scientific fact may aid our logical knowledge and awareness of the world and our place within it, but myth aids our psychological development. We may strive for a purely fact-fuelled existence and aim to become atheist, even nihilist beings; but Campbell believes that this simply isn’t enough for our human natures. Despites ourselves, he claims, “the mind goes asking for meanings; it can’t play unless it knows (or makes up) some system of rules”.

Yet there is another stage to myth that goes beyond storytelling and literary awareness. It is not enough to know myths; their physical re-enactment through rites and rituals is what can really help the psyche to transform, cross boundaries and move from one stage of maturity to another in our life cycles. In this way we do not merely know the truths of the world, but feel them, experiencing their transcendental mystery, thus embedding them securely within our own lives.

Whether you’re already familiar with topics such as these, or whether you’re brand spanking new to them but are naturally curious about the great themes of culture and humanity, and how they might relate to your own individual life path, this book deserves a read. Open its pages and, as you do so, open the doors to your conscious mind. See what stories, ideas and impetus for future life experiences step through.

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UD: BOOKS

Urban Deva loves books. In fact, we’d go as far as saying we’re obsessed. So, we thought we’d share the love and regularly recommend some of our favourites. We hope you enjoy them too.

Shakti Tantra Workshop Review

“The body is an instrument which only gives off music when it is used as a body. Always an orchestra, and just as music traverses walls, so sensuality traverses the body and reaches up to ecstasy.” ― Anaïs Nin

This training makes a woman out of you.

W. O. M. A. N.

I’ll say it again.

Good job my follow-up book to Running into Myself (a memoir about my rite of passage from girl- to womanhood via three marathons) will cover these five workshops and all that’s happened in between ― I could write a book about level five alone.

Which is why, before I continue, I wish to make it clear that I speak only on behalf of myself and not the group. I came into this women’s training programme ‘consciously/unconsciously’ as a journalist with a view to just writing an article about level one (Women’s Invitation). Or so I thought. But once I was in, that was it. My intuition told me there was a truth to this training you’ll find in few other places in our modern Western culture. My intuition was right. Add to that my teacher telling me I was going to do all five levels, and I could do nothing but nod in agreement.

But back to Ecstasy.

This is the level you realise you’ve been living a half-life, telling yourself half-truths, accepting half-realised, half-conscious relationships; the level where the wheat is absolutely, unapologetically separated from the chaff; the level where you’re introduced to your utmost potentiality, the fullness of your being; the level after which there is no going back ― which is why not everyone can go the distance. Some drop out after level one; others complete all the workshops up to level four. But Ecstasy is a level all to itself. You cannot begin to imagine the depth, beauty, and sacredness of what we experienced at this level. No wonder it felt like Last Woman Standing.

I was fortunate enough to be graced with several mind-shattering, ecstatic moments. However, as always, I can’t say anything about the structures, rituals, or ceremonies in which we participated. In the spirit of the ancient mystery religions, these aren’t experiences to be shared with the uninitiated. Even those who have gone as far as level four (Women of Substance) would be surprised at how much the ante is upped at Ecstasy. Which is what makes the group of women with whom I did this workshop all the more magnificent and formidable: these were women who had the courage to stand in the fire of their fears and finish what they started.

This was where ‘real’ Tantra took centre stage and we stepped into a timeless, sacred, ritual space of embodied wisdom steeped in numinosity and mystery; a space where the Other is consciously, lovingly honoured. Yes, this is the level where Shakti finally meets Shiva ― both without and within. And what a heartfelt, conscious meeting it was.

We descended into the depths, plumbed the bowels of our innermost being. You want to ride the lift to the topmost, transcendent floor of Ecstasy? Well, the only way in is at the ground floor. We’re talking base chakra, baby.

We revelled in love and acceptance, were honoured and honouring, were overwhelmed by blissful experiences that had us rolling about like sirens while wearing Cheshire cat grins. We travelled across space and time, through eastern and western cultures, sat with the ancestors, evoked the old time religions. We purged deep-rooted, unconscious hurts, worked through headaches, let go of heartache.

We laughed and cried, argued and made up; went stir crazy from sleep deprivation; filled up on porridge and prunes while analysing the previous night’s dreams; crammed a sauna in the middle of the night and sang our hearts out; took midnight walks by the ocean and drank in the Milky Way while wishing on shooting stars. At times we were nervous as hell, but got on with it anyway and did so with grace, dignity, maturity, and a single-minded determination.

I’m still processing the events of the week. In fact, my memories are so precious to me, I feel any attempt to share even a smidgeon of what I experienced somehow desacralises, dilutes, and dishonours them. I want to draw a protective arm around them (memories) and hold them close to my heart away from the prying eyes and ears of others. I don’t feel it’s an exaggeration to say I feel grateful to be alive and experience what I did at this level. I’m grateful from the bottom of my being.

But, I do want to say this: if you want to live your life as fully as possible, then do this work. If you do this work, then go all the way. Then you will know how it feels to shine from the inside out, to be animated from soul to bone. Then you will know the truth of your Being and you will experience, not just your own magnificence, but the magnificence of the sacred Other. And when you leave the workshop, you will walk out the door and know this is just the beginning of a life fully lived.

Then you will know Ecstasy.

Finally, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the Shivas for their humility, generosity of spirit, gentle reverence, and heartfelt presence. Without them, there would have been no level five, no Ecstasy. And so, with grace, love, and the absolute, utmost respect, I thank and honour each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being, and continuing to be, such magnificent Shivas.

I’d also like to thank and honour the ‘Dream Team’: Sue Newsome, Sarah Robinson, Annabel Newfield, and Julie and Pete Baillie for your guidance, love, encouragement, humour and for helping us feel safe, supported, and, most importantly, ‘held’. And, of course, I’d like to thank the indomitable Hilly Spenceley, originator of Shakti Tantra, for having the courage, strength, and humility to allow this work to flow so freely, so honestly, so inspiringly, and so beautifully through her (I’m running out of superlatives!):

Dearest Hilly, long may you continue to do this work and change countless lives for the better, as you have mine. Thank you. I love you.

And to my Shakti sisters, long may you sparkle, shimmer, and shine! Go forth and burn bright: the world needs your luminescence, now and always.

Namaste.

(For further information on Shakti Tantra’s work click here to visit their website.)

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To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author. You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)

The Great Round of Transformation ― Part Two

By Thea Euryphaessa

See the diagram above? Well, it’s a rough roadmap for personal metamorphosis also known as the Hero’s Journey (or Monomyth). My first book dealt primarily with my personal experience of the first two stages ― Separation and Initiation ― finishing up around stage nine; my follow-up, concluding book will deal with the third and final stage ― the Return (stage nine through the top of the circle). I don’t wish to expound on each of the above stages in this blog ― again, that’s for the next book. But that it’s so far taken ten years and counting to complete one full round, shows what’s required should you wish to embark on any aspect of personal transformation ― that it takes time.

Long-term readers from back in the mists of MySpace will know I used to share my life out loud, babbling away as I rushed along. Since writing my book, however, I’ve mostly kept schtum. These days my journal provides the backdrop for my kaleidoscopic thoughts and dreamscapes.

I also got a little lost as to where I was on the above cycle, often forgetting about it altogether; after all, just because I’m aware this archetype currently circumnavigates my life, doesn’t mean I rigidly orient myself to it. You can’t make it happen ― all you can ever do is remain alert to the signs and cues that tend to accompany each of the stages and, if you’re committed to living out your essence, ride the wave as best you can.

In fact, it was only a flurry of synchronous dreams and events last summer that alerted me to the fact that the Resurrection stage (stage eleven above) was constellating.

RESURRECTION

This stage is difficult ― damn difficult. I’m talking ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’, bring-you-to-your-knees difficult. No doubt about it, this is Dark Night of the Soul territory. In his book, The Writer’s Journey, Christopher Vogler says that if the Ordeal (stage eight above) is the mid-term exam, then the Resurrection is the final, end of year exam.

Because ― and here’s the thing about personal transformation ― if you’re committed to going the distance, even if you’re not sure where the hell it is you’re going (I still don’t have a clue), there’ll come a final test to see just how serious you are, see if you really did learn from lessons and mistakes made along the way; see how serious you are about this metamorphosis malarkey; see if ― and this is what it ultimately boils down to ― your old self has died.

You see, whatever it is you’re destined to do, you have to be strong enough to do it ― mentally, emotionally, and physically. You have to prove yourself equal to and worthy of it; that you’re willing to do the hard yards; that you’re able to face into it with the strength, grit, and determination required; that you want it no matter how high the odds; that you’re not going to bail out at the first sign of trouble. Trust me, at this stage, Life’s gonna throw just about everything it has at you. I’ve a half mind to rename this stage Canyon of the Wrecking Balls.

Based on my own experience and that of those around me who are also being mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically stripped to within an inch of their sanity, this is the place sacrifices have to be made whether we like it or not; where businesses fail and jobs are pulled out from under us; where the knives come out and gossips, detractors, and naysayers seize upon us with a maenadic frenzy; where relationships are stained with tears of disillusion and disappointment; where money dries up along with our motivation; where our health falters and illness descends; where pets die, homes are downsized, and court cases brought against us. And on, and on, and on it goes.

In fact, there’s a hexagram (23) in the I Ching ― the ancient Chinese divination system ― called, among other names, Stripping or Splitting Apart that corresponds with this stage. In Tarot, it’s the grim reaper himself ― Death. During this period, dreams (nightmares) may consist of death, unflinching brutality, dismemberment, great floods, fires, descents to the underworld, and bodies stripped back to the bare bones. What you no longer need will be taken away. This includes material belongings. Relationships, too. After all, we need only look at autumn to see nature stripping back in preparation for the greatest Dark Night of all ― winter.

If, however, you manage to keep from drowning and re-emerge on the other side of this Dark Night (which, by the way, has a tendency to drag its miserable arse out), you will experience rebirth. This is the moment you feel a burgeoning warmth swell deep in your psyche. You may even, perhaps, manage what poet William Stafford describes as, “a breath without pain”. Not everyone makes it this far, though. Many stumble, others give up. Some spend years, decades even, vacillating back-and-forth between Separation (stages one through five) and Initiation (stages five through nine). But that doesn’t make their attempts at growth any less heroic.

I should also say that, for those grappling with terminal illness and disease, rebirth may not necessarily be experienced on this side of Life, but across the veil. Or so I like to believe.

Anyway, what’s the point of me sharing all this? Well, for one, I’m thinking out loud, committing myself publicly. I always knew there’d be a second book ― I just didn’t know what it would consist of as, even while writing my first book, my life felt pretty pedestrian in comparison to my previous globe-trotting escapades. When a client asked me, after reading Running into Myself, “Aren’t you a bit disappointed that, after doing all that, you ended up back in Manchester, back at square one?” I got defensive, saying it hadn’t all been ‘for nothing’… before wondering if he was right.

After all, this was among the criticism levelled at the author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert, regards the fact that she, too, ends up near enough back where she started (at the other end of the Lincoln Tunnel). Readers of her follow-up memoir, Committed, will no doubt be familiar with her grappling with the consequent Return stage of her journey and its attendant trials and tribulations, before her final, triumphant Return with the Elixir (stage twelve above), which, unbeknown to her at the time, would manifest as a No. 1 New York Times best-seller.

Back in my own life, barely had I pondered such thoughts when the shit hit the fan and the Resurrection stage kicked in throwing a harsh, clarifying light on events leading up to that moment. A year later and the aftershock of those events are only just subsiding and my Dark Night lifting.

And so, in much the same way as the story of the Handless Maiden snaked its way through my three Marathons in Running into Myself, my five-level Tantra journey and personal relationship will provide the backbone for my follow-up book, around which the myth of Psyche and Amor will sinuously coil. Psyche, you see, is a woman who goes the distance despite overwhelming odds. I believe both men and women can learn from this courageous figure who isn’t so far removed from our modern-day lives as we may think.

I also plan to go back and expand, correct, and update some of the thoughts, ideas, and concepts I raised in my first book. In fact, it’s with gleeful relish that I welcome the opportunity to edit myself publicly, as it highlights the often thorny, far-from-straightforward path that is human growth.

This next book will provide me with the opportunity to Return with the Elixir and, finally, close the circle on this particular, ten-year long cycle of personal transformation.

I hope.

:::

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author. You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Writer)